From the outside her life appeared perfect. She'd never felt worse

‘It’s just so isolating, it’s so lonely. You don’t talk about it when you’re in it and you feel like you’re the only one’

Naomi Durham said after the birth of her second child she felt like she “didn’t need to be here anymore”.

“I felt like I didn’t need to be here, that my kids would be happier [just] with their dad. In my mind I thought they didn’t need me. That the only reason I needed to be here was for them. And that if they didn’t need me then I didn’t need to be here anymore.”

The 32-year-old had never struggled in this way before, including after her first-born, and there was the perceived stigma she should be okay this time too. Stay informed on the latest health news by signing up to our newsletter here

Naomi, from Cardiff, has type one diabetes and developed an eating disorder as part of her postnatal depression, which saw her treated in hospital on several occasions.

However she described feeling passed between the mental health team and the diabetes team without her core mental health issue being treated.

She said the support most “instrumental” to her recovery came from charities rather than the NHS.

Describing how her depression came about she said: “I found out I was pregnant in February 2020 so a few weeks before lockdown.

“My pregnancy was quite complicated because I have type one diabetes so I was in and out of hospital [throughout the pregnancy].

“Then my daughter came at 34 weeks. I was by myself and she was in there for just over a week and because of Covid restrictions it meant no visitors.

“Once we got home I just wasn’t myself. My health visitor was amazing and she came weekly to check on me and she contacted my GP and my diabetes team for me because I wasn’t looking after myself properly.

“I had a two-year-old at the time as well. My kids were fine but I wasn’t doing what I needed for me.

“I was in and out of hospital then because of my diabetes. I had four or five hospital admissions, quite serious ones, because I hadn’t taken my insulin.”

Naomi said her medics recognised there was more to the situation and so she was referred to her community mental health team. By this point, her daughter was around 15 months old, she said.

“But they didn’t know what to do with me because they [felt] this was a diabetes problem and then the diabetes team [felt] it was a mental health problem,” she said. “For another year nothing really happened.”

Naomi said she felt alone and isolated despite her life looking perfect from the outside.

She explained: “It’s just so isolating, it’s so lonely. You don’t talk about it when you’re in it and you feel like you’re the only one. Also this was my second child so I thought I was okay. I didn’t have it with my first at all. So it can happen to anybody.

“From the outside it looked like I had a good support network and that everything was perfect. I had a good job, a husband, and a house.

“My family all lived close. I applied the stigma to myself – that I shouldn’t feel this way, I shouldn’t be struggling.”

Naomi said the support she received did help to keep her safe but it didn’t help her in a practical sense.

“At one point I was seeing the community mental health team every two weeks but it was damage control rather than intervention such as making sure I went to A&E if my insulin was low. There wasn’t really any mental health input.

“[At another point] I had psychotherapy for 12 months, which was kind of helpful but I wasn’t given any coping mechanisms – they just gave me more insight into why I did what I did. That brought it all to the forefront which made it more difficult as well. Then I was discharged.

“Then I went through a really rough patch [around a year ago] and my GP sent me back to my mental health team for a cognitive behavioural therapy course which I’m doing now. It’s taken this long. My daughter is five and a half now and I’m halfway through that 20-week course.”

Naomi said a turning point came in late 2022 when her health visitor suggested she should contact the charity Home Start Cymru. Its volunteers visit families and offer them a helping hand or emotional support. For the year 2025-26 the charity said it had supported 1,153 families and 2,220 children.

Naomi said: “I did an online referral and within a couple of weeks I’d had a visit from somebody at Home Start and then they matched me with a volunteer within another week.

“She came out to meet me and it was like the perfect match. She was so lovely.

“She was a trainee therapist which I think was perfect for me because all I needed was for someone to listen and tell me it’s understandable that you feel like this. We just went for a walk and had coffee and it was just nice to get out. She was really compassionate.”

Prior to her involvement with Home Start Cymru Naomi said her mental health had become so low she was unable to continue her nursing course at university.

However her Home Start volunteer, Hassana, helped her get back on track, with her securing a job and returning to her studies in 2024.

“She helped me find a job,” Naomi said. “I needed something practical to do so she looked up jobs for me and we met up weekly.”

She encouraged others struggling with postnatal depression or home difficulties to reach out to the charity:

“I would absolutely recommend them. They were instrumental in my recovery and they were there when everyone else said no. They really looked after me.”

A spokesman for Cardiff and Vale University Health Board said: “We are very sorry to hear of Ms Durham’s experience and the concerns raised regarding the need for increased mental health support within the health sector. While we are unable to comment on individual cases we would encourage Ms Durham to contact our Concerns Team who will be able to support them in addressing any aspect of the care received in Cardiff and Vale.

“Cardiff and Vale University Health Board is fortunate to have a perinatal mental health service that provides specialist, safe, effective, and compassionate care to women and birthing people experiencing moderate to severe mental illness during pregnancy and up to at least 12 months postpartum with extended follow‑up to 24 months where clinically appropriate.

“The primary aim of the service is to ensure equitable access to timely, evidence‑based, and person‑centred interventions that promote maternal mental wellbeing and safeguard the emotional and developmental needs of the infant. The service was accredited by the Royal College of Psychiatrists in February 2026.

“For individuals who do not require the specialist support of this service help is available through primary care. Additionally 111 Press 2 is available 24/7 for urgent mental health support.”

A spokesman for Home-Start Cymru said: “Too many parents feel they have to struggle alone, particularly during the early years when the pressures can be overwhelming. Naomi’s story shows just how important it is for families to feel seen.”

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